My latest Cerel post is a good example of my typical second drafts: way too long and way too much talking heads with hrdly even a reference to who is speaking, who is listening. I thought I had gone through this section to correct that but I see there are long sections of pure dialog. I like a rich dialog, but it needs trimming, maybe a summary of two, and needs to be interspersed with at least minimal action and references to the people involved. I can tell who is speaking, but I make the reader work too hard to figure it out, I'm sure, without even a hi-said, she-said along the way for pages at a time.
Fortunately, if I improve it by taking out some of the overdone mush and summarizing, it will also shorten the tale a bit, and this one needs shortening. It is well over 120,ooo words currently, and it really needs to be under 100,000 to have a chance of selling. Even that is probably longer than is wise, but my books usually are. One of the reasons i want to get one of them considered for publication is that I would then get an editor. A little guidance would take me a long way toward figuring out what kinds of things can be cut. Whole and half scenes at a time, I'm sure, though I usually trim by phrase and sentence. It's hard to decide what's not needed when in our minds its part of the story we envisioned. We have to ask ourselves, are the ideas covered elsewhere? What would happen to the tale, overall, if a scene or part of a scene was missing? Often enough, the reader wouldn't even encounter a question that the rest of the story couldn't answer. It can be there in our minds, behind the scenes, a moment in time real to us and our characters, a bedroom in the house that we all know is there but that a visitor might never be shown.
Tuesday, March 30, 2010
Saturday, March 27, 2010
Tremors in the Rough
VAl quickly discarded several idea for a framework for their Walk. Stalking hunters would too easily lead to situations where her companions must guess her vision else pull them all off course. A race course was too likely to wrap back to its beginning instead of continuing to their goal. Then she had it.
TADPOLE became a golf cart, the world a brightly lit green. Their first ball had carried them to the third hole but a little into the rough.
“The monitor is the ball?” Honorr asked, tipping back his cap.
“Don’t try to understand it. just play along and watch for NDMs.”
“Fore!” Fisian called and without leaving the cart or even stopping its easy motion, swung at the ball left-handed with her club. The ball flew out across the fairway and continued rolling until it was precariously close to the bunker.
“Your turn,” Fisian said to Honorr.
He stepped out of the cart as it slowed , positioned his feet carefully, and swung. The ball didn’t go far, but it was back to the center of the fairway and Val was certain he was starting to pick up readings from the sensors..
Honorr was just getting back into the cart when a hand grabbed his elbow. Two more golfers were ont he course, tall and stiff with cream pants and matching green golf shirts but Val couldn’t quite focus on their faces.
“Our turn,” one of them said, smiling. He yanked Honorr away from the cart and both swung their clubs.
“That’s now how the game goes!” Val shouted, ducking a swing toward her head. Fisian blocked the other with her club and reved the cart straight at the nearest, who seemed to step boredly out of its way. Fisian circeld around, putting the cart between Honorr and the green shirts. Val grabbed onto him as he grabbed onto the cart and Fisian charged down the fairway. Despite Fisians wild manueverings, the green shirts were repeatedly able to step diretly in front of the cart, forcing Fisian to swerve until she was almost tipping the cart.
For a moment they continued unimpeded, but there ahead appeared a second golf ball, this one acid orange.
“Get their ball!” Val shouted though she didn’t know how it could help.
Honorr and Val swung bent and dented clubs as the green shirts came at them again, never running but somehow moving faster than the cart.. This time Fizian aimed the cart between them and the garish ball, appeared likely to hit one of them, and he was gone. Non longer fitting quite into the scene, the NDM golfers began to appear and disappear randomly, in front of them, on the side, near the ball and not, but more often a little off, tempting them away from the ball.
“Five iron!” Fizain called, and Honorr handed her another club. For a moment the cart charged toward another green shirt, then With a deft turn, she headed for the ball, scooped it with the iron, and sent it flying away from the hole it had nearly reached. it bounced toward the lake.
The cart and the NDM golfers charged after it. Val scooped up the orange ball as Frisian drove past, and two of the green shirts jumped toward her, nearly knocked her from the cart, and the ball from from her hands, landed near the edge and continued rolling. The green shirted NDMs dove after it. Ball and N-Dimensional Monoliths landed in the water.
As if a meteor had crashed, the water of the lake, its lilies and cat tails and frogs all surged upward and crashed over the cart and its occupants.
#
Val, cold and wet, looked out over a vast gray sea. Honorr walked a little distance from her, studying sea shells while Fisian worked on the TADPOLE.
“I take it you know we won,” Horr said, looking up at her.
“What?”
“You’re grinning.”
“A tsunami isn’t what I, at least, envisioned as a success story.”
“Japan can handle another one. The NDM will just be more rocks on their shore. Better than the world blowing up.”
“They could just try again. Im sure those were just the guard force,” Val said, her smile softening.
“If they understand why the test failed,” Fisian said, joining them almost as mysteriously as the NDMs had. “Three test: one premature, the third a failure. They’ll be back to the drawing board and try again... in another eon or two.”
END
For the curious, TADPOLE is Temporal Anomoly Displacement Projected Onto Limited Exterior
TADPOLE became a golf cart, the world a brightly lit green. Their first ball had carried them to the third hole but a little into the rough.
“The monitor is the ball?” Honorr asked, tipping back his cap.
“Don’t try to understand it. just play along and watch for NDMs.”
“Fore!” Fisian called and without leaving the cart or even stopping its easy motion, swung at the ball left-handed with her club. The ball flew out across the fairway and continued rolling until it was precariously close to the bunker.
“Your turn,” Fisian said to Honorr.
He stepped out of the cart as it slowed , positioned his feet carefully, and swung. The ball didn’t go far, but it was back to the center of the fairway and Val was certain he was starting to pick up readings from the sensors..
Honorr was just getting back into the cart when a hand grabbed his elbow. Two more golfers were ont he course, tall and stiff with cream pants and matching green golf shirts but Val couldn’t quite focus on their faces.
“Our turn,” one of them said, smiling. He yanked Honorr away from the cart and both swung their clubs.
“That’s now how the game goes!” Val shouted, ducking a swing toward her head. Fisian blocked the other with her club and reved the cart straight at the nearest, who seemed to step boredly out of its way. Fisian circeld around, putting the cart between Honorr and the green shirts. Val grabbed onto him as he grabbed onto the cart and Fisian charged down the fairway. Despite Fisians wild manueverings, the green shirts were repeatedly able to step diretly in front of the cart, forcing Fisian to swerve until she was almost tipping the cart.
For a moment they continued unimpeded, but there ahead appeared a second golf ball, this one acid orange.
“Get their ball!” Val shouted though she didn’t know how it could help.
Honorr and Val swung bent and dented clubs as the green shirts came at them again, never running but somehow moving faster than the cart.. This time Fizian aimed the cart between them and the garish ball, appeared likely to hit one of them, and he was gone. Non longer fitting quite into the scene, the NDM golfers began to appear and disappear randomly, in front of them, on the side, near the ball and not, but more often a little off, tempting them away from the ball.
“Five iron!” Fizain called, and Honorr handed her another club. For a moment the cart charged toward another green shirt, then With a deft turn, she headed for the ball, scooped it with the iron, and sent it flying away from the hole it had nearly reached. it bounced toward the lake.
The cart and the NDM golfers charged after it. Val scooped up the orange ball as Frisian drove past, and two of the green shirts jumped toward her, nearly knocked her from the cart, and the ball from from her hands, landed near the edge and continued rolling. The green shirted NDMs dove after it. Ball and N-Dimensional Monoliths landed in the water.
As if a meteor had crashed, the water of the lake, its lilies and cat tails and frogs all surged upward and crashed over the cart and its occupants.
#
Val, cold and wet, looked out over a vast gray sea. Honorr walked a little distance from her, studying sea shells while Fisian worked on the TADPOLE.
“I take it you know we won,” Horr said, looking up at her.
“What?”
“You’re grinning.”
“A tsunami isn’t what I, at least, envisioned as a success story.”
“Japan can handle another one. The NDM will just be more rocks on their shore. Better than the world blowing up.”
“They could just try again. Im sure those were just the guard force,” Val said, her smile softening.
“If they understand why the test failed,” Fisian said, joining them almost as mysteriously as the NDMs had. “Three test: one premature, the third a failure. They’ll be back to the drawing board and try again... in another eon or two.”
END
For the curious, TADPOLE is Temporal Anomoly Displacement Projected Onto Limited Exterior
Tuesday, March 23, 2010
Bake and Shake
Valorie found the kitchen largely from memory and from memories of her early days as a Walker, when she had to rely on imagination as much as the Unreal to guide her. in the watercolor dreamscape through which she floated, she could no more than imagine walking, assume she was succefully moving her feet in some reality that related to the TADPOLE if to nothing she could sense. In as much as it was possible to feel color or sound, she felt her way around surfaces that she hoped were bulkheads and hatches, ducked the more solid shadows of what she suspected were projections of NDMs onto dimensional space, and finally sensed some quality she was certain related to metal and sharpness though her seeming-eyes detected only chimes and the fingers she couldn’t find curled around-
#
“Val, Val!” Honorr’s face leaned close. “What’d you do, attack them single-handed?”
“That would be you,” Fisian pointed out, apparently floating above him until the world began to right itself into something almost real.
“She said to follw the bits. i could do that much. i attacked to distract them when i saw a bit of Val close to a bit of one of them.”
“She meant follow with the whole TADPOLE.”
“Did she? How do you know? She probably didn’t herself.”
“What append?” Val asked as she sat up, breaking into the impending arguement.
“Their second test. it looks like it was premature so there wasn’t as much damage as their could have been, but it was deep, deep and powerful enough to shake the planet to its core. I’m trying to calculate where the third test is likely to be but so far way north and some distance west is all I’ve got.”
“California?” Honorr asked.
“No, maybe aftershocks from the tremor but the terra firma fissures don’t hold a candle to the Sol Cascade for power effects.”
“Japan, then.”
“Very likely. Or something in the Pacific basin. We;ll head that way and continue monitoring for further signs.”
“Why are you monitoring in here instead of outside?”
“our trip through N-Dimensional space carried us a bit under the surface and the earthquake knocked us deeper.”
“A bit?” Honorr objected with a raised eyebrow.
“Twenty miles is not far. We traveled thousands to get here.”
“up is not over, especially through planetary crust.”
“TADPOLE won’s care, nor Val.”
Val rose and her head, until then sagging wearily, lifted. “We’re sitting here because i was fool enough to get knocked unconscious?”
“We’d have prodded you if it had take more than the time we needed to get the necessary readings. Are you feeling well enough for some local Unreal time? With the whole ship?”
“Size doesn’t matter. But you’ll have to turn off the safeties. TADPOLE’s brain has enough imagination to pull us of course if it gets alarmed.”
“What will it be?” Honorr asked with a grin.
Val stood and patted his bottom. “Nothing that exciting or the ship won’t be the only one alarmed and distracted. Just stand at the consoles and watch for Japan surface. Don’t try to predict the course. let me choose it r the tug of war will knock us out of the Unreal before we can get there.”
#
“Val, Val!” Honorr’s face leaned close. “What’d you do, attack them single-handed?”
“That would be you,” Fisian pointed out, apparently floating above him until the world began to right itself into something almost real.
“She said to follw the bits. i could do that much. i attacked to distract them when i saw a bit of Val close to a bit of one of them.”
“She meant follow with the whole TADPOLE.”
“Did she? How do you know? She probably didn’t herself.”
“What append?” Val asked as she sat up, breaking into the impending arguement.
“Their second test. it looks like it was premature so there wasn’t as much damage as their could have been, but it was deep, deep and powerful enough to shake the planet to its core. I’m trying to calculate where the third test is likely to be but so far way north and some distance west is all I’ve got.”
“California?” Honorr asked.
“No, maybe aftershocks from the tremor but the terra firma fissures don’t hold a candle to the Sol Cascade for power effects.”
“Japan, then.”
“Very likely. Or something in the Pacific basin. We;ll head that way and continue monitoring for further signs.”
“Why are you monitoring in here instead of outside?”
“our trip through N-Dimensional space carried us a bit under the surface and the earthquake knocked us deeper.”
“A bit?” Honorr objected with a raised eyebrow.
“Twenty miles is not far. We traveled thousands to get here.”
“up is not over, especially through planetary crust.”
“TADPOLE won’s care, nor Val.”
Val rose and her head, until then sagging wearily, lifted. “We’re sitting here because i was fool enough to get knocked unconscious?”
“We’d have prodded you if it had take more than the time we needed to get the necessary readings. Are you feeling well enough for some local Unreal time? With the whole ship?”
“Size doesn’t matter. But you’ll have to turn off the safeties. TADPOLE’s brain has enough imagination to pull us of course if it gets alarmed.”
“What will it be?” Honorr asked with a grin.
Val stood and patted his bottom. “Nothing that exciting or the ship won’t be the only one alarmed and distracted. Just stand at the consoles and watch for Japan surface. Don’t try to predict the course. let me choose it r the tug of war will knock us out of the Unreal before we can get there.”
Sunday, March 21, 2010
Dive N Duck
The TADPOLE control room was quiet as they attempted to follow the power readings they'd picked up on Haiti. Their progress was slow for the TADPOLE, going no more than continental distances southbound.
“Watch out!” Val shouted though she didn’t know why.
Honorr slammed into the console and fell, gasping for air. Fisian flew into the wall behind her, her quick grip on the console insufficient. Only Val was saved from impact with the TADPOLE’s suddenly stopped surfaces by finding neutral space in midair. She grabbed the console and yanked herself toward Honorr as the wall previously beside her seemed to buckle inward, to change shape, to divide.
“NDM!” she shouted unnecessarily, covered her mouth to keep from shouting again in panic, and reached into the Unreal. It was an insanely dangerous thing to do, leaving her body vulnerable; but being weaponless with NDM aboard was insane, too, and she had no intention of allowing either condition to last. Valorie had also practiced this shift for just such circumstances.
Hands and head were enough. Val was looking around even as the arsenal vision formed around her. With both hands, she grabbed at the most powerful weapons she saw. At first there was nothing actually available to grab but with practiced care she cupped her hands around the image of the weapons with her equally imaginary hands, as if both were real. Then she demanded that they be more real: shape, texture, form, weight. she held the vision firm. Material, substance, hardness, power, she insisted of the Unreal, then grabbed a blade in her teeth and yanked out.
The weapons in her hands flew toward her companions, her aim slightly off from her turn in the Unreal, unmatched by her resting body. Honorr caugh his with a finger tip, then with both hands as it tumbled, fired even as Fisian reached hers. Light and sound spattered again and again against the bulk of the monoliths. Unslowed, they swung their arms in a slow-looking arc that could kill. Several more shots from the powerful weapons and finally one paled, weakened.
Val ducked the swing of another and thrust with the sword. A shock of impact stabbed up her own arm, the wepon barely scratching the thing’s surface as Honorr fired again. His energy shot hit the sword, sent its power down the blade and into the NDM. It sparked, paled, paled further still to an ash gray, and cracked with a sound like granite scraping pebbles. It froze, a featureless figure of stone.
The remaining unharmed one reached out to the damaged but still mobile partner. They blended, merged into the wall, and disappeared, leaving the dead rock behind.
Fisian did something to the console, “We’re following,” she warned.
“What?” Honorr bellowed in disbelief. “You think this is a tournament and we need a round two, in hell?”
#
“It’s just a version of the Unreal,” Val said as the universe rotated into chaos. “You’ve been there before.” She reached out a tentative hand as the world kaliedescoped around them in a visitor of pastel walls, sparkles, and shadow figurines not quite detailed enough to have shape or form.
“This isn’t!” Honorr complained. “The Unreal you’ve shown me has up, down, continuity. Things keep coming in and out of nowhere.”
“Things?”
“Can’t you see them? An elbow, an ear, big.”
“They’re NDMs, shifting between dimensions. We can only see the pieces in our dimensions,” Val said.
“Think of it them as being woven through space when you are looking at a woven basket, you see only the sections of each strand that come out, the alternating sections are hidden behind other strands. Just close your eyes and relax,” Fisian suggested, “as if you were laying down after drinking too much. The world swims around you, spins on its axis, flying through space a million miles a second, but you remain safe and quiet on your couch.”
“The TADPOLE console is still in front of you where it was a moment ago. You’re still holding on,” Valorie added. “The universe moves, we wove within it, but the TADPOLE moves with us.”
“Is your weapon stil in your hand?” Val asked.
“I don’t even have a hand! Nor body!”
“You have sight and a voice, therefore you have a body, even if you can’t find it. It’s all right where it was before.,” Val tried to reassure him. she herself was trying to use other senses than her eyes to find her companions among the shadowy shapes and colors.
“Are we in space?” Honorr asked.
“We are in N-Dimension non-space. Space doesn’t relate. -- I think your weapon is still in your right hand.”
Fisian offered something of an answer, “with respect to Earth it locks like we’ve gone down and down. They’re cooking up something under the Americas. Haiti was just the first test.”
“Are you thinking the usual three?”
“Three is the universal truth. The second will be bigger, the third devastating. Since they are testing so close to what has to be the fault in their effort. The third may turn out to be the real event. It will at least destroy the planet. - Val, can you get us hand weapons? Even if we could figure out how to shoot, we can’t aim them like this.”
“Just keep following whatever pieces you see and I’ll see what I can do. Knives from the kitchen if nothing else."
“If you can find the kitchen.”
“Watch out!” Val shouted though she didn’t know why.
Honorr slammed into the console and fell, gasping for air. Fisian flew into the wall behind her, her quick grip on the console insufficient. Only Val was saved from impact with the TADPOLE’s suddenly stopped surfaces by finding neutral space in midair. She grabbed the console and yanked herself toward Honorr as the wall previously beside her seemed to buckle inward, to change shape, to divide.
“NDM!” she shouted unnecessarily, covered her mouth to keep from shouting again in panic, and reached into the Unreal. It was an insanely dangerous thing to do, leaving her body vulnerable; but being weaponless with NDM aboard was insane, too, and she had no intention of allowing either condition to last. Valorie had also practiced this shift for just such circumstances.
Hands and head were enough. Val was looking around even as the arsenal vision formed around her. With both hands, she grabbed at the most powerful weapons she saw. At first there was nothing actually available to grab but with practiced care she cupped her hands around the image of the weapons with her equally imaginary hands, as if both were real. Then she demanded that they be more real: shape, texture, form, weight. she held the vision firm. Material, substance, hardness, power, she insisted of the Unreal, then grabbed a blade in her teeth and yanked out.
The weapons in her hands flew toward her companions, her aim slightly off from her turn in the Unreal, unmatched by her resting body. Honorr caugh his with a finger tip, then with both hands as it tumbled, fired even as Fisian reached hers. Light and sound spattered again and again against the bulk of the monoliths. Unslowed, they swung their arms in a slow-looking arc that could kill. Several more shots from the powerful weapons and finally one paled, weakened.
Val ducked the swing of another and thrust with the sword. A shock of impact stabbed up her own arm, the wepon barely scratching the thing’s surface as Honorr fired again. His energy shot hit the sword, sent its power down the blade and into the NDM. It sparked, paled, paled further still to an ash gray, and cracked with a sound like granite scraping pebbles. It froze, a featureless figure of stone.
The remaining unharmed one reached out to the damaged but still mobile partner. They blended, merged into the wall, and disappeared, leaving the dead rock behind.
Fisian did something to the console, “We’re following,” she warned.
“What?” Honorr bellowed in disbelief. “You think this is a tournament and we need a round two, in hell?”
#
“It’s just a version of the Unreal,” Val said as the universe rotated into chaos. “You’ve been there before.” She reached out a tentative hand as the world kaliedescoped around them in a visitor of pastel walls, sparkles, and shadow figurines not quite detailed enough to have shape or form.
“This isn’t!” Honorr complained. “The Unreal you’ve shown me has up, down, continuity. Things keep coming in and out of nowhere.”
“Things?”
“Can’t you see them? An elbow, an ear, big.”
“They’re NDMs, shifting between dimensions. We can only see the pieces in our dimensions,” Val said.
“Think of it them as being woven through space when you are looking at a woven basket, you see only the sections of each strand that come out, the alternating sections are hidden behind other strands. Just close your eyes and relax,” Fisian suggested, “as if you were laying down after drinking too much. The world swims around you, spins on its axis, flying through space a million miles a second, but you remain safe and quiet on your couch.”
“The TADPOLE console is still in front of you where it was a moment ago. You’re still holding on,” Valorie added. “The universe moves, we wove within it, but the TADPOLE moves with us.”
“Is your weapon stil in your hand?” Val asked.
“I don’t even have a hand! Nor body!”
“You have sight and a voice, therefore you have a body, even if you can’t find it. It’s all right where it was before.,” Val tried to reassure him. she herself was trying to use other senses than her eyes to find her companions among the shadowy shapes and colors.
“Are we in space?” Honorr asked.
“We are in N-Dimension non-space. Space doesn’t relate. -- I think your weapon is still in your right hand.”
Fisian offered something of an answer, “with respect to Earth it locks like we’ve gone down and down. They’re cooking up something under the Americas. Haiti was just the first test.”
“Are you thinking the usual three?”
“Three is the universal truth. The second will be bigger, the third devastating. Since they are testing so close to what has to be the fault in their effort. The third may turn out to be the real event. It will at least destroy the planet. - Val, can you get us hand weapons? Even if we could figure out how to shoot, we can’t aim them like this.”
“Just keep following whatever pieces you see and I’ll see what I can do. Knives from the kitchen if nothing else."
“If you can find the kitchen.”
comments about the Earthquake story
When the Earthquake story is done it will be like many of my novels started: a story of sorts in itself, with several characters introduced but not followed very far, explanations proposed but not well fleshed out. I’d like to have a different human involved at each location, with more of a scene to show something of the characters and their nature, have more indicators of the motivation of the N-Dimensional Monolith’s goals. For a short story, I should cut out anything extraneous, but I am always more likely to expand than shrink. More action at the aftershock site, some research into seismology to make the explanations more plausible and teach a little about real quakes and weather change and all in the process, provide more history for the central characters... In this case, Val and Honorr both have an extensive history on several worlds (not planets, but whole fiction worlds) as I play with them, their interactions, side characters, plots, and the rules of their magic. I haven’t found a good fit. Not this one in the end, I’m sure: TADPOLE and Fisian have a history in my never-posted attempts at fanfic and a tv world that some readers may guess despite the name and sex changes. But Val and Honorr make a good pair, so I keep playing. Until I find a good fit, they make a good starting place for challenges and story lines I'm starting to play with.
comments about the
When the Earthquake story is done it will be like many of my novels started: a story of sorts in itself, with several characters introduced but not followed very far, explanations proposed but not well fleshed out: I’dlike to have a different human involved at each location, with more of a scene to show something of their character, have more indicators of the motivation of the N-Dimensional Monolith’s goals. For a short story, I should cut out anything extraneaous, but i am always more likely to expand than shrink. More action at the aftershock site, some research into seismology to make the explanations more plausible and teach a little about real quakes and weather change and all in the process, provide more history for the central characters... In this case, Val and Honorr both have an extensive history on several worlds (not planets, but whole fiction worlds) as i play with them, their interactions, side characters, plots, and the rules of their magic. I haven’t found a good fit. Not this one in the end, I’m sure: TADPOLE and Fisian have a history in my never posted attempts at fanfic and a tv world that some readers may guess despite the name and sex changes. But Val and Honorr make a good pair so I keep playing and until i find a good fit, they make a good starting place for some kinds of challenges.
Friday, March 19, 2010
Give 'em Another Shake
“Nice weather so far.”
“The bad weather’s the other side of the ocean. Besides, it’s too hot.”
“Hot is nice,” Fisian said, scanning the area with an HD.
Honorr uprighted the bigger instrument, hit the top pad, and watched as it set itself up, extending three legs and lifting the big box smoothly while maintaining its balance, then extending a whole range of antennae.
“Red lines everywhere,” he reported.
“Let me see,” Val said, poking her head in front of him. “That’s even worse than it felt. We’re getting more.”
“What is that?” a smooth, deep voice said and all three looked up as one of the Haitians strode down from around a hill saddle. “I’ve seen plenty of seismic snesors but nothing like that.”
“It isn’t a seismic sensor,” Valorie explained with a grin at the young, stately man, slightly overdressed for the uncomfortable heat. “It finds universal interstitial anomolies and teporal displacements. How many aftershocks have there been?”
“Sixty thrree. It’s tapering off.”
“Tapering or shifting location,” Fisian asked, her electric blue eyes directing the question at Honorr instead of the local.
“Both,” Honorr said after studying the rig’s displays.
“The energy shifted to the Eurpean stormfront - some of it anyway,” Valorie said, correcting herself thoush she didn’t know why.
Fisian studied the Walker a moment and nodded. “A split would be reasonable. Honorr, aim that thing west.”
Honrr turned the dial in the center and quickly pulled his hand back as the bristling antannae swung, reaching for him, he was certain. He was sure the big rig didnt like operating for anyone but Fisian, but the TADPOLE’s pilot prefered to walk around with the HandHeld sensor.
“Energy radiates outward in all directions from a quake,” the Earther said, not quite laughing at the answers and behavior of the threesome “And it doesn’t change the weather. This is the tropics. The weather is a force of its own.”
Without looking up from her HD, Fisian explained, “Usually, but the weather no less than the rest of the world will feel the impact of these quakes.”
Val sidled toward their visitor, smiling broadly. “Don’t mind them, stranger. Tell me, what brought you here? This place doesn’t look seismiclly significant to me.”
Dr. Celnlebo introduced himself and Valorie offered introductions without titles to him in turn. He flashed a smile of white teeth at her and said. “I assumed for the same thing that brought you, One of the largest aftershocks was centered near here, very close to the surface.”
“No, just lucky I guess,” Val responded softly, sidling closer as if she needed comfort and running a finger down his arm. “Do we have anything to worry about?”
“No more than anyone on this island.”
Val brushed her leg against his. “It’s so hot here.”
“It’s cooler than it often is in February,” he said, his own tone deepening. “Maybe a little warmer with the sun up.”
“Stop that, Val,” Honorr said coolly. “This isn’t the Unreal.”
“Unreal?”
“A halfway region between here and N-Dimensional space where we can sometimes tap into energies that aren’t usually available for direct use. It often takes the form of illusion and touches dreams.”
“Magic. Witchcraft? Miracles?”
“If you wish to put it into religious terms, i suppose. Mostly it takes the form of living visions that, while not real, have a bearing on reality. A strong link can achieve more.”
“And you have that.”
“I have the right training and a certain natural proclivity.”
“You have a prolivity for other things, too,” Honorr murmurred, barely glancing toward them as Val curled one foot around the scientist’s ankle.
Ceinlebo cleared his throat, “And N-dimensional space?”
“You’ve heard of parallel universes?”
“I know of the concept.”
“N-Dimensional space is where they meet. Normally, it takes vast quantities of energy, like the center of a black hone to cross the interface, but the universes aren’t perfect. Cracks and fissures create weak points where it becomes easier. Still really hard, powerful thrusts are required, but only that of say, a geological event.”
“I was following along with the shamanism, but magically induced earthquakes?”
“You were the one called in magic, not me,” Val said with a pout.
“Fisian! Val!” Honorr shouted.
“Another after shock?” Without waiting for an answer, the seismologist fled back over the hill to check on his own instruments. When he returned fifteen minutes later, there was no sign of the trio, no sign that they had ever been there, nor any tracks to suggest how they might have come and gone.
“The bad weather’s the other side of the ocean. Besides, it’s too hot.”
“Hot is nice,” Fisian said, scanning the area with an HD.
Honorr uprighted the bigger instrument, hit the top pad, and watched as it set itself up, extending three legs and lifting the big box smoothly while maintaining its balance, then extending a whole range of antennae.
“Red lines everywhere,” he reported.
“Let me see,” Val said, poking her head in front of him. “That’s even worse than it felt. We’re getting more.”
“What is that?” a smooth, deep voice said and all three looked up as one of the Haitians strode down from around a hill saddle. “I’ve seen plenty of seismic snesors but nothing like that.”
“It isn’t a seismic sensor,” Valorie explained with a grin at the young, stately man, slightly overdressed for the uncomfortable heat. “It finds universal interstitial anomolies and teporal displacements. How many aftershocks have there been?”
“Sixty thrree. It’s tapering off.”
“Tapering or shifting location,” Fisian asked, her electric blue eyes directing the question at Honorr instead of the local.
“Both,” Honorr said after studying the rig’s displays.
“The energy shifted to the Eurpean stormfront - some of it anyway,” Valorie said, correcting herself thoush she didn’t know why.
Fisian studied the Walker a moment and nodded. “A split would be reasonable. Honorr, aim that thing west.”
Honrr turned the dial in the center and quickly pulled his hand back as the bristling antannae swung, reaching for him, he was certain. He was sure the big rig didnt like operating for anyone but Fisian, but the TADPOLE’s pilot prefered to walk around with the HandHeld sensor.
“Energy radiates outward in all directions from a quake,” the Earther said, not quite laughing at the answers and behavior of the threesome “And it doesn’t change the weather. This is the tropics. The weather is a force of its own.”
Without looking up from her HD, Fisian explained, “Usually, but the weather no less than the rest of the world will feel the impact of these quakes.”
Val sidled toward their visitor, smiling broadly. “Don’t mind them, stranger. Tell me, what brought you here? This place doesn’t look seismiclly significant to me.”
Dr. Celnlebo introduced himself and Valorie offered introductions without titles to him in turn. He flashed a smile of white teeth at her and said. “I assumed for the same thing that brought you, One of the largest aftershocks was centered near here, very close to the surface.”
“No, just lucky I guess,” Val responded softly, sidling closer as if she needed comfort and running a finger down his arm. “Do we have anything to worry about?”
“No more than anyone on this island.”
Val brushed her leg against his. “It’s so hot here.”
“It’s cooler than it often is in February,” he said, his own tone deepening. “Maybe a little warmer with the sun up.”
“Stop that, Val,” Honorr said coolly. “This isn’t the Unreal.”
“Unreal?”
“A halfway region between here and N-Dimensional space where we can sometimes tap into energies that aren’t usually available for direct use. It often takes the form of illusion and touches dreams.”
“Magic. Witchcraft? Miracles?”
“If you wish to put it into religious terms, i suppose. Mostly it takes the form of living visions that, while not real, have a bearing on reality. A strong link can achieve more.”
“And you have that.”
“I have the right training and a certain natural proclivity.”
“You have a prolivity for other things, too,” Honorr murmurred, barely glancing toward them as Val curled one foot around the scientist’s ankle.
Ceinlebo cleared his throat, “And N-dimensional space?”
“You’ve heard of parallel universes?”
“I know of the concept.”
“N-Dimensional space is where they meet. Normally, it takes vast quantities of energy, like the center of a black hone to cross the interface, but the universes aren’t perfect. Cracks and fissures create weak points where it becomes easier. Still really hard, powerful thrusts are required, but only that of say, a geological event.”
“I was following along with the shamanism, but magically induced earthquakes?”
“You were the one called in magic, not me,” Val said with a pout.
“Fisian! Val!” Honorr shouted.
“Another after shock?” Without waiting for an answer, the seismologist fled back over the hill to check on his own instruments. When he returned fifteen minutes later, there was no sign of the trio, no sign that they had ever been there, nor any tracks to suggest how they might have come and gone.
Wednesday, March 17, 2010
Shake, Rattle, and Roll
On my other blog, I posted a challenge: write a story to explain the recent spate of earthquakes. I answered my own challenge during my recent travels and will be posting it in a series of posts. Here is the first section:
"What is it, Fisian?" Honorr asked, holding on the console as the whole TADPOLE continued to shake.
"These readings are jibberish. Do you sense anything, Val?"
Valorie hadn't bothere to grab onto anything, merely lifted her feer from the floor in a partial trance. She had already been seeking, knowing what Fisian would ask. she had considered inviting the others to hold onto her, but didn't bother. Fisian was fully occupied at the controls and Honorr could never get past what his eyes told him, would never believe a floating figure more stable than one locked to the shaking deck and bulkheads.
"Earth, of course," Val said. "something in the space-time fault line has shifted," she said, though until she spoke, she had not known the answer. At times, Honorr accused her of making things true with her words, but Valorie left such things to God and the universe. she was merely a reported, using the Unreal to guide her. "Honorr, chek the broadcasts. I'm sure there'll be earthquakes, floods, some disaster and the TAD shock wave won't be much ahead of the EM braodcasts."
Fisian sighed in relief as the sensor displays settled back to normal but shook her head. "What are they playing at this time? Humans are a short-sighted careless lot at the best of times, but I didn't think they were-"
"Their technology is more like a candle to a torch, nowhere near that powerful and they haven't organized the information explosion well enough, yet, for the next leap. Someone else has been playing in their backyard. NDM probably"
"A few Monolith corpses from eons ago is hardly an indicator that they'll return," Honorr chimed in.
"I just said maybe."
"Anyone from this universe would have been noticed," Fisian acknowledged. "You can't just take a hand drill and shift a planet, even one on gaping faultline like the Sol Cascade. It may not be Monoliths, but it's sometthing from the N-Dimensional counter universe poking around."
"As if they needed any help messing up that poor planet," Val grumped.
"What is it, Fisian?" Honorr asked, holding on the console as the whole TADPOLE continued to shake.
"These readings are jibberish. Do you sense anything, Val?"
Valorie hadn't bothere to grab onto anything, merely lifted her feer from the floor in a partial trance. She had already been seeking, knowing what Fisian would ask. she had considered inviting the others to hold onto her, but didn't bother. Fisian was fully occupied at the controls and Honorr could never get past what his eyes told him, would never believe a floating figure more stable than one locked to the shaking deck and bulkheads.
"Earth, of course," Val said. "something in the space-time fault line has shifted," she said, though until she spoke, she had not known the answer. At times, Honorr accused her of making things true with her words, but Valorie left such things to God and the universe. she was merely a reported, using the Unreal to guide her. "Honorr, chek the broadcasts. I'm sure there'll be earthquakes, floods, some disaster and the TAD shock wave won't be much ahead of the EM braodcasts."
Fisian sighed in relief as the sensor displays settled back to normal but shook her head. "What are they playing at this time? Humans are a short-sighted careless lot at the best of times, but I didn't think they were-"
"Their technology is more like a candle to a torch, nowhere near that powerful and they haven't organized the information explosion well enough, yet, for the next leap. Someone else has been playing in their backyard. NDM probably"
"A few Monolith corpses from eons ago is hardly an indicator that they'll return," Honorr chimed in.
"I just said maybe."
"Anyone from this universe would have been noticed," Fisian acknowledged. "You can't just take a hand drill and shift a planet, even one on gaping faultline like the Sol Cascade. It may not be Monoliths, but it's sometthing from the N-Dimensional counter universe poking around."
"As if they needed any help messing up that poor planet," Val grumped.
Friday, March 5, 2010
love scenes and stuff
Whenever I come to the romantic or sexy (or violent) scenes, I always start wondering if the level is right. Today's is pretty tame and it could be a scene in a young adult book. Sometimes I wonder if they aren't too tame for an adult book. Certainly they would make it more racy on television or a movie, these days, but reading doesn't really equate to a visual portrayal and I trust the readers to fill in more blanks in a sex scene than modern movie makers seem to think their audiences are capable of achieving.
More often in this book I have found myself taking stuff out as being too over the top. If I wouldn't say the word aloud, I don't think I should put it in writing either, for starters. It's possible to say a lot without using those words. I've played with some interesting sex scenes using classic metaphors in tidal waves and sweeping storms and the rise and fall of empires, but really, it's usually enough to get the couple started and encounter them later. Adult readers can fill in the blanks happily so long as the scene is friendly.
The violent sex scenes definitely don't need any details and I find myself wondering if I should change them to nonsexual violence rather than even imply the sexual nature of the violence. I do in anything young adult. i don't write young adult dramas about people coping with horror; I like fun adventures. The propensity for sexual violence on the tv shows (never shown, sometimes implied even when it doesn't happen, especially in advertisements for the episode) is plenty and too much as it is. Still, I've included some in Cerel Gold. Candice's past is all about every kind of violence I could think of and it's only a matter of how much to imply, how much to describe, and the tone to take in the description.
In the case of violence and generating either sympathy or horror or other reactions, I think there is a kind of magic required, and what we think will work may have the opposite effect. I think a certain degree of coldness and unsympathy in the writer, being mean to our characters as I've heard it described, will actually get more sympathy from a reader, whereas some of the best horrors are very amusing or sympathetic in tone. I haven't found the magic, but I keep trying.
For now, I've finished a couple of quilt tops and now have much quilting to do but neither that nor blogging will get done for about a week and a half, so no posts meanwhile. Let your imagination play in other worlds but come back in a couple of weeks!
More often in this book I have found myself taking stuff out as being too over the top. If I wouldn't say the word aloud, I don't think I should put it in writing either, for starters. It's possible to say a lot without using those words. I've played with some interesting sex scenes using classic metaphors in tidal waves and sweeping storms and the rise and fall of empires, but really, it's usually enough to get the couple started and encounter them later. Adult readers can fill in the blanks happily so long as the scene is friendly.
The violent sex scenes definitely don't need any details and I find myself wondering if I should change them to nonsexual violence rather than even imply the sexual nature of the violence. I do in anything young adult. i don't write young adult dramas about people coping with horror; I like fun adventures. The propensity for sexual violence on the tv shows (never shown, sometimes implied even when it doesn't happen, especially in advertisements for the episode) is plenty and too much as it is. Still, I've included some in Cerel Gold. Candice's past is all about every kind of violence I could think of and it's only a matter of how much to imply, how much to describe, and the tone to take in the description.
In the case of violence and generating either sympathy or horror or other reactions, I think there is a kind of magic required, and what we think will work may have the opposite effect. I think a certain degree of coldness and unsympathy in the writer, being mean to our characters as I've heard it described, will actually get more sympathy from a reader, whereas some of the best horrors are very amusing or sympathetic in tone. I haven't found the magic, but I keep trying.
For now, I've finished a couple of quilt tops and now have much quilting to do but neither that nor blogging will get done for about a week and a half, so no posts meanwhile. Let your imagination play in other worlds but come back in a couple of weeks!
Tuesday, March 2, 2010
tension and dialog
Cerel is obviously heavy in dialog, probably too much so, but for this draft it's a good way to practice dialog and making it interesting. The scene just posted went through a lot of revision, going from a tame dialog to an expression of tense emotions, weariness, arguments, changing perceptions. At least that was what I was aiming for, though it's hard to ever be sure that readers see what I tried to present. I suspect I still need to work on some of the word choices. What words make a sentence sarcastic or angry rather than merely factual? It's not something I've ever found guidance for. Mostly I've done it through side comments and physical actions, although I want to do more of that, too. Anger through shorter sentences is one of the few "rules" I know. Terse, less philosophical content in an argument, but what if the argument is philosophical in nature? And each character has their own speach patterns, though sometimes I'm not sure even I could define them well unless I've exaggerated them. How does the pattern change for accusation, anger, weariness... I've made some stabs at all of them here. Does it work?
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